Not Your Regular New Years Goals

I hate endings. I always have.

I cry when a good book ends.

I hate sending my people off on a plane.

I throw a pity party when I pick my last garden crop.

I'll keep asking questions and hold on a little tighter to a good conversation.

When a delicious meal ends, I'll contemplate having more...even if I'm full to the brim.

New Years Eve is always bittersweet to me. When the clock changes from 11:59 pm to 12:00 am, I can't help but feel that I missed out on something. I want to scream, "Wait! There is still so much more that I could have given. So many more friendships I could have nurtured. So many more places I could have experienced. More recipes I could have tried. I want more time with my people."

2021 was a year of trial. This year, when the clock turned to midnight....I felt like a part of me will always be in 2021, a part of me died with the deaths I experienced. I felt like I could live in that minute forever, in the space between 2021 and 2022. Sad for what could have been and didn't ever come, scared to hope for what 2022 could bring.

This part about me used to be something I would judge about myself. Pull yourself together, JamieLee....you should have appreciated the moments more when they were here.

But now, instead of judging my hate of endings...I look deeper. Should I get frustrated with myself that I enjoy the moments that were given to me? Moment so sweet, that all I want to do is to relieve it...soak it all in. If I only had more time.

I love getting lost in someone else's story, hearing their heart and viewing the world through their eyes.

I love spending days on end with my people, mornings in our jammies, sipping coffee and talking about all things of life.

I love sunny days spent in the garden, watching miracles grow right before my eyes and slowing down enough to hear God speak to me.

I love sitting across the table and hearing the reasons behind people's heartache. Hearing the dreams they have for their lives. Hearing what they're learning through the mundane days.

I love siting around the table with people, eating good food and laughing until our bellies hurt.

And as it is my nature, it's hard to end this post. This isn't the classic "new-year-set goals-inspirational post", no. It's for the gal who is also sad to see something end, in all it's beauty and pain. It's for the gal who's sitting in that in between....sitting in the moments of today daydreaming about yesterday and hoping for tomorrow.

xoxo

It's Not Over Yet

When you walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

You come through to the other side changed, whether you want the change or not.

I’ve stared death in the face before, but not like this. Not with my baby. Not with my life.

My heart was broken into a million pieces, and it’s taking time putting it back together again. It will always be the puzzle with some missing pieces.

Three months ago, I was laying on the couch, only getting up to go to the doctors office.

Honestly, if it wasn’t for modern medicine and technology, I maybe wouldn’t be here today...

But I am. And our baby is not.

That’s what I know right now.

To keep living is full of choices. To keep choosing love. To keep choosing life. To keep moving forward. To keep choosing to trust. One step, one breath, one moment at a time.

This weekend we snuck away to the wilderness. We played in the trees, hiked lots of miles, slept under the stars, ate around the campfire.

We foraged for mushrooms, picked wildflowers and walked in the rain.

We felt God’s peace again. Not that it ever left us, but that we made time to slow down enough to let it wash over us.

And in the midst of it all...

I felt hope stirring back up in my heart again.

I hate that this happened to us.

I hate that my belly isn’t growing.

I hate that the nursery is still my office.

I hate that our arms are empty.

But I’m here.

And that means God is not done with our story yet.

If you feel that your Hope has left you, keep fanning the flame. Keep digging in. Keep turning towards Him, even when you don’t feel like it. Keep whispering those Truths over your heart, even when your mind doesn’t agree with it yet.

There is beauty everywhere, just look up.

Your pain and your joy can co exist.

It’s not over yet.

How to Help Your Grieving Friend

Grief and pain are a part of the human experience. Inevitably, we are all going to go through grief in this life because it is broken and isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.

Grief takes all different kinds of forms, in my opinion. It’s not just when you lose someone you love, it can also be the loss of a job, a relationship ending, the loss of a dream, etc. My most recent grief is having a miscarriage in January and then having an Ectopic Pregnancy in March. I’m still in the midst of my grief. It’s raw and real and the world still feels grey most days.

The biggest previous grief in my life was when my older brother Kyle died when I was 13 years old. It was sudden, unexpected and formed me into the woman I am today. My childhood was filled with grief. Now, living through my current grief and looking back at my childhood, I felt there are some practical things I can share to help people who want to help their friend who is smack-tab in the middle of grief but aren’t sure how.

This beautiful, terrible thing seems to happen when you watch someone you deeply love go through deep pain — people don’t know what to do or say. So, often times they don’t do or say anything or when they do or say something, it is hurtful…

I’ve had people show up for me in crazy beautiful ways I can’t even put into words and other people show up for me in ways that make me want to pull my hair out. (Too much? ha)

Let me say this right now — I know you are trying to love them. The thing you want the most is to take away their pain, but you can’t. And honestly, nothing you do or say is going to take away their pain — so just let that pressure go right now. The goal isn’t to take their pain away, the goal is to sit with them in their pain and let them know they are not alone.

The LOVE from you is what they will feel, above all else. But maybe I could get a couple things in that cute little head of yours for the next time someone you love is going through grief, that won’t make them want to pull their hair out. Or go in the bathroom and ugly-cry because something you said. (Not speaking from experience….)

I also want to make this clear — doing something is better than doing nothing because you don’t know what to do. You taking the time to read this blog post already shows me that you are loving people the best you can because you CARE.

PS — for everyone who has showed up for us in our grief and pain this season, thank you. Your love has carried us through. Your love has given me the strength to even write this post. You’re our people, you know who you are, and we love you so so so darn much. Double PS — if you did or said one of these things that I say made me want to pull my hair out, I still love you. hahaha But seriously, I do. Thank you for showing up and being a light in our darkness.

I’m writing these with the idea of your friend is going through grief right now. Like, it’s the first months of their grief. There are many stages of grief. But this first stage (that doesn’t have a specific timeline or end date) is dark and very, very painful. This isn’t the time to try and make a new friend. If you didn’t know them well before their grief happened….you’re probably not a safe space for them right now. #toughlove

If the only thing you get from this post is one thing….I’d want you to understand this:

BE THERE for your friend in pain. In the midst of it. You don’t need to say anything most of the time…just let them know you are there. Whether it is you are physically there if they want you there, letting them know when they’re ready to talk you’ll take their call at any hour of the day, or if it’s dropping a gift off at their doorstep.

Be with them in their pain, don’t try and get them out of their pain.

---

THINK BEFORE YOU SAY:

Think before you say: “I can’t even imagine…..”

Option to say instead: “Wow, this really, really hard and it sucks.”

Oh, you can’t imagine? Cool because I didn’t want to imagine it either until it was happening to me. When you say that, it makes people feel even more alone in their grief. Makes them feel even more misunderstood because you just told them you don’t understand it/them and what they’re going through.

Think before you say: “Everything happens for a reason….”

Option to say instead: “I know you probably have many questions and feelings about this, do you want to talk about anything?”

Actually, a lot of things happen that are painful because this world is broken. Saying that everything happens for a reason implies that they should indeed be searching for “the reason” and one day they’ll have all the answers. When in reality, that answer might not come this side of Heaven.

Think before you say: “God won’t give you more than you can handle…”

Option to say instead: “This sucks and I am mad and confused with you.”

God doesn’t cause everything that is happening. SIN causes a lot of the pain in this world. When you say this, it implies that God caused their pain. And, then they’re supposed to go to the God that caused the pain to give them comfort. (This was TERRIBLE for my little 13 year old mind and heart when I lost my brother and effected my relationship with God for years.)

Think before you say: “I’m coming over…”

Option to say instead: “I dropped something off at your doorstep.”

Unless you are their best friend in the entire world or their mom, PLEASE do not stop at their house unannounced and ring the doorbell. (This is one of my biggest no-nos….) You know what a grieving person is usually doing? Lying on the couch or in their bed in their pajamas, no bra and most likely haven’t brushed their teeth or cleaned their house in days. The last thing they need to do is host uninvited guests.

Think before you say: “I know someone who (fill in the blank about the situation)”….

Option to say instead: “I bet this feels really dark, scary and unknown. I will be right here with in the questioning.”

“Someone I know had 10 miscarriages and then had a healthy baby..”, “I know someone who lost her husband and then married another man she loved….” etc. I really do think people mean well when they say this, but I think it more shows how uncomfortable YOU are in their pain. You want it to go away. You are trying to get your friend out of pain. You don’t want them to be sad, it feels like you’re throwing a “happy sticker” over their pain. What happened SUCKED and they’re probably not ready to start thinking about the what’s next yet.

Think before you say: “God needed another angel”….

Option to say instead: “I bet this is really painful. Do you want to share a memory of them with me?”

Firstly, that’s not the way it works in the spiritual realm. Secondly, don’t say this. I know people always have good intentions with this…but your friend doesn’t need you to try and make a purpose out of their pain. They need you to sit with them in their pain.

GIFT IDEAS:

• Your Presence — Your presence alone is a huge gift (if they want to be with people). And like I said earlier, if you didn’t know them well before their grief….this is not the time to see if they want to be friends. If you know them enough to hold them and hug them while they ugly cry, and are comfortable sitting in a silent room with them, I can almost guarantee they would love for you to come sit with them.

• Pajamas — There comes a time when you will lovingly help your loved one get out of their house and into real clothes and “move on” with their life, but the beginning days of grief are not that time. They are living in their jammies. Do them a solid and bring them the comfiest pair you can find.

• A Blanket — I don’t care what season it is outside…. a fluffy, soft, dreamy blanket will feel like a hug. And they need a lot of hugs. (Or if they’re not physical touch people, a lot of blankets.)

• A Plant — If you know they like them. And preferably an easy one because it will probably be forgotten to be watered…. I like that idea of a plant over flowers because plants (hopefully) won’t die in a few days. It’s a little loving reminder for them that life can and will be beautiful for them again (without saying it).

• A Mug — A hug in a mug, I like to say. Add some calming tea like Chamomile, their fave local coffee to brew in the mornings, some hot cocoa…

• Meaningful Jewelry — One of my friends got me a necklace with the birth flower of our first baby and I bawled my eyes out. I was so touched she thought of that and wear it often, especially the days I’m really sad.

• Dinner to Their Fave Restaurant — A place where they can order in or pick it up because they’re probably going to want to stay at home.

• Cook Them Their Favorite Meal — Food is often the last thing on the mind of someone grieving. make sure you text them and tell them what night you’re bringing it over. (If you don’t know them well enough to have their number or know their fave food…I’d probably choose another gift.)

• A Journal — Sooooo many feelings and emotions to process though. Grieving people need to get those feelings out to help start the healing process. In their own time.

• A Thoughtful Card/Note — Don’t give any of that Hallmark crap. hahaha Maybe this is my personal pet peeve. But buying a card that says “My greatest sympathies” and just signing your name isn’t from the heart. Tell them how much the situation sucks and you wish they didn’t have to experience this and how you will always be there for them.

End scene. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

But in all seriousness, the fact that you read this already shows that you are an amazingly loving friend. I hope I didn’t hurt too many people’s feelings with my #toughlove. How to help grieving people is something that is so rarely talked about, yet EVERYONE goes through it…it’s insanity, in my opinion. It seems like people turn into the awkward kid at the party who doesn’t know what to do or say when their friend is going through something hard.

We need to talk about it. We need to be there for each other.
I love this scene in Job 2…

“Now when Job’s three friends heard this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place…

They made an appointment together to come show him sympathy and comfort him…

And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven.

And they sat with him on the ground for seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was great.”

They dropped everything in their life to go and be with their friend who was in deep, deep pain. They sat with him on the ground for seven days, crying and not saying a word. Just went to be with him and comfort him. The truth is….there is nothing you can say that will take their pain away. But there are things you can say or do to remind them how deeply loved they, how they are not alone in this and you can step in and experience their pain with them.

In love,

JamieLee Joy

Is That Enough for Me?

In the suffering you’re faced with the question — if God is all that I have, is that enough for me?

He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)

His promise to you when you are suffering is He is close.

Is that enough?

God, the creator of Heavens and Earth, thought so. It was enough for Him to choose to go to the cross so He could be close with us forever.

Isn’t that really what our heart is longing for? To be close with those that we love. It’s what grief is all about….the absence of the physical presence of the one you love.

God is love, and love transcends all time and space and understanding.

The same love is living inside of us.

Isn’t that amazingly beautiful?

I think that thought can get easily blocked when we are in the middle of our pain because in our human mind pain means there’s not love.

Which is why we often FEEL God is absent in our pain.

But in His Word he tells us He is close.

Do you think He put it that way because He knew how easily we’d forget that? That He knew how much we’d blame Him for our pain? That He wishes so badly He could explain it all to us but He knows that it won’t make sense to our human mind? So He promises this…..I am close to you. I am right here.

It’s like the child who runs to their room to throw a tantrum after they didn’t get their way….what they really need is for their mommy or daddy to come in, step into their pain and be with them. Hold them. Remind them that everything is going to be alright. Because they see the bigger picture. They hold more wisdom. They have experienced more pain which has resulted in deeper love.

Do you believe that God wants to do the same for you? Do you believe that He loves you so deeply and wishes so badly that you didn’t have to feel any pain?

In the middle of my suffering anger is often one of my first reactions. But what I’m learning about anger is it is most often covering up fear. When I’m scared and alone in an unknown place, I am less afraid when I am holding the hand of someone I love and trust, how about you?

And Then We Weren't....

In December, we found out we were pregnant.

In January, we had a miscarriage.

It felt like whiplash. One moment we were talking about names and how we wanted to decorate their room and the next moment, we were bawling on the floor knowing there was nothing we could do to change it.

We told a few close people we were pregnant. We knew we were “breaking the rules” and announcing earlier than you should. But we were so excited! I kept saying, “Because even if something were to happen….God forbid, I would want you to know about it.”

I didn’t want to think it actually would.

I woke up one morning with really bad cramps, waited to get into the doctor, cried on DJ’s shoulder, texted my best friend…but I knew in my heart what was happening. I knew this wasn’t normal. I knew we had lost the baby.

I tried to take a shower and I couldn’t even stand…not because I was in so much physical pain (which I was) but because I was in deep emotional pain. I fell to my knees….tears and wails of mourning came flooding out of me. All I could do was hold my belly and keep repeating, “I love you so much, baby. We wanted you so badly. I wish more than anything I could make this stop. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

I don’t want to share this to get pitty from people. The last few months we have processed + mourned with our trusted people. If this is something you are going through and have gone through, I urge you to do the same. It’s not something you are supposed to go through alone.

I wanted to share this because #miscarriage need more awareness. It happens way, way, way more than you’d think. Your friend. Your family member. Your neighbor.

6 in 10 women experience this.

1 in 4 pregnancy’s end this way.

That’s a lot of hurting moms and dads.

It is an experience where you look death in the eye, and as women, we physically feel death in our bodies. It’s horrible. It’s not the way it’s supposed to be.

We love you, little babe we never got to hold this side of Heaven. We can’t wait to see your face one day.

Xoxo

I’m always here to talk. To cry with. For a hug. You don’t have to go through it alone.

Four Things to Check When Anxious

It is crazy to me how much our body is doing without us realizing it or thinking about it. It is constantly looking out for us, protecting us, helping us…. Our brain is constantly working with our entire body, directing it and guiding it. Our bodies are a miracle, when you look at every little detail.

Anxiety is something that I have dealt with since I was younger. I can remember all the way back to elementary school telling my parents my stomach hurts too bad that I didn’t want to go to school that day. Then, when my older brother died tragically in car accident when I was 13….my body went into constant protection mode. It wasn’t until college that I started learning there were things I could do to help the madness that was happening in my mind and effecting my body. It’s been a journey, but I am so, so thankful for how far I’ve come.

I don’t want to talk about me, though. Something I have noticed is how many people struggle with anxiety. Wowza. This world can be heavy and hard to navigate. I’m a firm believer in balance. Surrendering your life to Jesus AND going to counseling. Knowing you can’t control your life AND learning how to take every though captive. Eating fun foods from time to time AND noticing how your mind and your gut health are deeply connected.

Throughout this journey, I have found 4 tangible things that I can do daily when I notice I am feeling very anxious. I pray it blesses you.

I made a little instagram video, if you would like to watch that here as well.

1. Face - relax your jaw and forehead muscles

   Ever clench your jaw and not realize how tightly you were until you released it? Man, this one gets me. Whenever I am in physical or emotional pain, my jaw is the first thing I tighten. When you release your jaw, your forehead will almost immediately relax as well. Check this often.

2. Shoulders - down away from your ears

   Anyone else hold all their stress in their shoulders? Sometimes i’ll catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror during that day and say WOAH GIRL. Relaxxxx…..

   The tension we are feeling in our minds is so much expressed it how we are carrying ourselves. The tricky thing is it’s hard to catch unless your on the “outside looking in”. Ever have a moment where you are spiraling in your thoughts and a loved one places a hand on your shoulder and asks, “What are you thinking about? Would you like to talk about anything?” Yeah, body language. Listen to your body, sis.

3. Breath - slow + steady

   Have you heard of breath prayers? They are one of my all time favorite “tricks” and something you can do no matter where you are! Driving. Having a hard conversation. Sitting in a meeting. Falling asleep. It’s a short prayer that you time with your breath. You can choose whatever words you’d like to in that moment. Inhale — Exhale, slow and steady. Here are some of my faves:

   Inhale — Jesus

   Exhale — I love you

   Inhale — Spirit

   Exhale — fill me up

   Inhale — God

   Exhale — I surrender all

4. Hands - palms up, unclenched fists

   Did you know “Be still and know I am God” (Palm 46:10) is actually translated to “loosen ones grip”? When I was in college, I went to this amazing chiropractor that really helped my step into my healing journey. Something he pointed out to me was whenever I was sitting and talking with him, my fists were always clenched. He could tell by my body language how anxious I was feeling inside. When I read the explanation of this verse years later I was like OKAY GOD you are so, so cool. This chiropractor taught me to sit in a comfortable position and simply place my hands on my knees, palms up. When I was sitting in class, watching a movie, having a hard convo….I would place my hands palms up in surrender. It’s something I still do very often today.

One thing I want to make very clear about anxiety is that I am not a doctor. I’m simply speaking from my experience and I am in the depths of this journey with you. I also want to point out that anxiety is not from God. We live in a broken world, where things are not the way they are meant to be. Everyone has a different life story and different things they have been through, your body is trying to protect you, help you, heal you…and sometimes these things get confusing. I believe that we need to take every through captive and make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5), but I also believe that God gave counselors a gift to help people. God created minds that create medicine to help us.

Often times it’s not a one and done thing. It’s a journey. We all have a different story. Lean in, listen to God, listen to your gut and give yourself never-ending grace.

Always here to be a listening ear.

xoxo,

JamieLee Joy

A Closer Look at Proverbs 31

Let’s take a little bit closer look at Proverbs 31, The Wife of Noble Character. I was reading it this morning and found myself saying “Yes!” and “Amen!!!” more times then I have before while reading this passage. Open your bible and read Proverbs 31: 10-31. When you’re done, come back and continue reading, let’s have a closer look together.

According to these verses, this is what an honest, loving wife is (in a glimpse, and my own words):

• She is far more valuable than any material thing.

• Her husband respects her and believes in her.

• She loves her husband, bringing him good.

• She wants to work hard at things that matter.

• She works day and night providing food for her family.

• She buys fields with her earnings.

• She is strong and able.

• She is smart.

• She opens her home, heart and hands to the needy and hurting.

• She takes care of her family to the best of her ability and does not fear.

• She is clothed in purple (signifying she is royal, a Daughter of the one True King).

• Her husband is blessed in his work.

• She makes things with her hands and sells them.

• She if full of joy and wisdom, not afraid of the future.

• She protects her household.

• Her husband and children love her deeply.

• Her love for the Lord is radiant, making her beautiful.

As I was reading this passage, I pictured a loving mother (my loving mama, my friends who are moms, all the mother-like figures in my life) bustling around the house, cleaning up messes, stirring food on the stove, cleaning and sorting laundry, hugging their littles, opening their home to a hurting friend, coming home from work after a long day, creating clothing, creating art, creating a home with her hands. Not only does this honest, loving wife do all these things to create a beautiful home and family, she also gracefully steps into the marketplace. She creates things with her hands and sells them. She buys fields with her earnings. She purchases the best material to create things, to keep her family warm + also to sell and provide for them.

She does not sit idle. She works with her hands. She wakes up before the rest of her family.

She works hard and she is filled with joy.

I think our world is in a weird place right now (well, for many reasons) when it comes to the “role of a woman”. Everyone has their opinion of this (doesn’t mean you need to listen to them). Ultimately, what you do with your days comes down to what you feel the Lord is telling you and what you and your husband decide is best for your family.

What I felt on my heart this morning to share was I think there are some women feeling guilty that they want to do it all: be a loving wife, a mother, a homemaker, a creative, and help provide for their family financially. You don’t need my permission, sis, but look at this passage if that’s the tug of your heart. This is your permission to follow your heart and all the dreams God has given you.

A lie I fight is that I am not enough, yet I am always too much. Satan is the king of deception. That lie does not even make logical sense and most lies don’t. Do you ever feel that way? That you’re too much for people? That you’re not enough for them, either?

God created us to work hard, love the people he gave us and to not sit idle in our giftings.

Is there something you believe God has put in your heart that you’ve been scared to pursue? Is there a lie you’ve been believing that being a stay at home mama isn’t enough? Do you love working but feel guilty for loving it?

Sis, be free. Satan, in the name of Jesus we command these lies to leave. You are not welcome here, we are covered by the blood of the Lamb.

Grab God’s hand, seek His heart and run after it!

My little fam, my loving and supportive husband.

I’m a homemaker.

I’m a business builder.

My loving mama.

Grief + Joy Can Coexist

One this I’ve learned throughout life is this: grief + joy can coexist. 

In one hand we hold the reality of death, the awareness of the fragility of this life.  In the other hand we hold onto the Truth of His goodness. We enjoy every little moment, while holding onto it loosely knowing this isn’t our home. 

The gut-punch of the doctors call,

The knock on the door of dear friends. 

The statistics not in your favor, 

The favor of God poured out. 

The sorrow of lost dreams,

The warm embrace of a loved one.

The darkness of the valley,

The dawn of the morning light. 

One day will be a mountaintop, the next day you find yourself in a valley. Cling to the hope that the darkness can never overcome the Light. Hold onto your flicker. Hold onto your Hope. 

“He protects his flock like a shepherd; he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them in the fold of his garment. He gently leads those who have young.” (Isaiah 40:11)

This was in my devotional this morning, a moment that brought me tears. My prayer is that we all would learn how to truly rest in his arms:

“We can rest in His arms, close our eyes and slow out breathes he sings over us. Instead of suffering our own pounding hearts, we can lean in an hear His steady heartbeat. It beats steadily with His love for us.” (From She Read Truth, God’s Presence Strengthens Us)

In the joys of life, we see glimpses of Heaven. In the darkness, we hear God whisper to us, “this isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.”

In the steadiness of His heartbeat, we hear His love for us. Like a mother cares for her child, our Father cares for us. Hols us close, rocks us to rest and sings songs over us. He never lets go. He never waivers. 

Amen.

Path from Hurried to Rest

I found this in my bible this morning. I wrote it a few months ago as I was working through and processing some things with a trusted mentor and counselor. I felt the nudge to place it on the Internet today. Opening up can feel scary and vulnerable, but I want this little corner of the internet to always be raw and real. I want it to feel like you’re sitting down across the table and having coffee with a trusted friend. I want people to read my words and leave feeling refreshed, understood and capable of giving their best. My prayer is that you read these words and you overflow with hope.

”Thank you, hurried.

Thank you for showing me that ‘empty’ feeling in my gut reminding me it’s time to slow down. Thank you for being my needle on a compass pointing towards the way I don’t want to go. For showing me that when my ‘hurried feeling’ keeps rising, I have something to pay attention to in my heart. Thank you for showing me that I can do many things but reminding me that I don’t have to.

Goodbye, hurried.

You have been a long time family friend. Looking back, I can see you throughout every par of my childhood, and I have realized you followed me into adulthood, uninvited. You have taught me many things, but mostly that I do not want to live your way of life. Hurried is poison for my soul. It makes God’s voice grow dim, the last thing that I want.

The anxiety that I feel is a by-product of you, hurried, and is not a pretty trait. I’m saying goodbye to you now, and not looking back. Goodbye to the ugly feeling of never doing enough.

Hello peace + rest,

I always knew you were somewhere to be found, even if I didn’t quite know your name. I heard folklore about people opening Tim eight you, and you making a space in their heart and home. I love how when you are here my heart + belly feel like a calm sea — possibilities beautiful and vast, but to happen in due time, naturally. You cause a beautiful ripple effect in my life — once I invited you in I now want you in every room of my life. You are like the friend that everyone wants to spend time with.

My life looks + feels beautiful when I picture you in it. You fill my heart with hope for the future. When I am with you, my feelings of who I ‘have to be’ and what I ‘have to do’ fade away in the background and bring me to the present, beautiful moment. With you, there is no mirage of a future, just the here and now and quietness of my soul.

I am so glad you are here, peace and rest. Please teach me all your ways. Give me grace when I miss a step and guide me back home.”

Why Sweet JamieLee Joy?

My name is Sweet JamieLee Joy on instagram because when I chose that name, I was baking at Washington Family Ranch for hundreds of campers every week and I had a dream to open my own bakery. I loved making hundreds of loaves of bread, frosting endless amounts of cupcakes and going in early to make sure the cinnamon rolls were done on time. 

When we moved back to Bismarck, we opened Mighty Mo. Although we didn’t make many sweets, I loved preparing a place for people to gather and feel loved. I loved greeting people every morning with a smile and serving them their favorite coffee, knowing every regulars order and what was going on in their life. 

Somewhere between Oregon life and coffee shop life, I had a shift in my heart to eat healthier. To care about what I was putting on and in my body. To actually limit my sugar intake and not make baked goods every week. Buttercream frosting is my weakness and I think God new that so now my body is sensitive to dairy to protect me. Lol. Just kidding. Kind of. 

In the middle of the mess of those years of deepening my relationship with Jesus, healing from my past and learning how to give myself grace….a name I always heard Holy Spirit call me was His sweet JamieLee. 

I looked at my instagram name this morning and thought of all this. The sequence of the dance we’ve been in. His grace that covered every hard decision, every tear, every step of the journey. 

Now, I find myself in this season. Completely different then I pictured my life would be but beautiful just the same. A career where I can create, teach and encourage. Where I am able to create a safe space for women to gather and know how deeply they are loved and can do hard things. God is full of hidden mercies that we only get to witness if we loosen our grip and let Him lead us. 

That’s the pattern I’ve been seeing. Every time I loosen my grip a little more, He has a surprise for me. I believe He has one for you, too. 

Didn’t have to Fight this Fight Alone

This picture was taken a few days before my 27th birthday. I love it because it is genuine pure joy in my smile. A rare candid of me, right in the moment.
I was surrounded by dear friends at the lake, eating a delicious chocolate cake decorated with my favorite, Rosemary.

I saw this picture the other day and it hit me as I thought about the season I was in. A season that’s hard to put into words, so I got rosemary tattooed on my arm instead. I always say my tattoos are displays of the pain + love in my life that were so tender, strengthening and beautiful...and many times those moments are hard to put words to.

My mind was blurry in this season. Heart was stirring. Tears were flowing. Healing was happening. Light was overcoming the darkness, one little ray at a time. One conversation at a time. One hug at a time. One moment at a time.

I guess that’s what hit me. I look back and I remember the pain, yes. But more deeply I remember the beauty that was brought forth through the ashes. The years I realized I didn’t have to fight this fight alone.

Last night, I stepped outside to look in my garden. There it was, my last little seedling bursting throw the dirt...a little slower than the rest, just as beautiful.
That’s how life is, right? There is dirt. There are hard days. There is rain and sunshine. There are days you feel you can’t get your head above the ground. But with the right amount of love, laughter, prayer and conversations...you break through. At your own pace. In your own timing, right on time.

xoxo

Fruit Roll Up Plant + God Winks

Yesterday I was feeling down…all sorts of anxiousness was bubbling inside of me. So I went to the store to find a Rosemary plant (with gloves and hand santi…settle doooooown). The first store I went to they didn’t have one so I thought, okay wasn’t meant to be.

I went and dropped something off at a friends doorstep and when I got back in my car I felt a little whisper “Go to Lowes”. Um, haha okay that’s interesting... So I called Lowes just to see if they even had any Rosemary plants, the guy I got on the phone had no idea and actually ended up hanging up on me. lol. Rude.

Okeeeeeey…. But I felt the nudge to go anyway. So I did. I was waaaay on the other side of town and most of the drive there I was questioning why I was “wasting my time” going there. But, I went. The first thing I saw when I walked in — Rosemary plants!! And on sale!! I did a happy dance inside and put some in my cart. And, like I always do, I went and looked at the houseplants because they make me happy. Does anyone else just go walk by the plants and stand there looking at them and touching them? haha Maybe it’s the long North Dakota winters getting to me…

I saw this little guy and tried to talk myself out of it, I don’t neeeeed another plant. But it made me SO happy when I looked at it because it reminded my of my childhood and how my brothers and I looooved Fruit Roll ups. I put it in my cart, put it back. Put it in my cart, put it back…

But I kept feeling the nudge that it was okay if I get it, so I put it in my cart and went to checkout line. The computer was having all sorts of trouble at the self checkout — but a nice Lowes man helped me out. As he was fixing whatever was happening on that screen…I remembered…"Hey, I have a Lowes gift card!!”

It was just enough for the plant and the pretty white pot I grabbed to put it in. I didn’t have to pay for the plant that I was feeling guilty for getting anyway. It was a GIFT to me on a hard day. 

All that random story to say is this — listen to the nudges and the whispers. God will show up. He ALWAYS does. He loves you and knows your every need and every heart desire. Even the littlest things like a Fruit Roll Up Plant in a pretty white pot. 

A little old lady Lowes worker even came up and questioned, “What!? These Rosemary plants are NEVER on sale!” And I just smiled and told her to have a lovely day. God provides.

Death Is Defeated

The pain of losing someone you love never goes away. Sometimes it’s a dull pain and sometimes it feels like someone stabbed you right in the gut. But here’s the thing, DEATH HAS BEEN DEFEATED! I have been thinking about this the last few days and letting it sink deep into my soul…allowing it to seep all the way down into my bones for me to deeply believe it. My worst fear — gone.

Jesus took the worst thing that could ever happen to us and made it the BEST thing that is going to happen to us. Life after death. Heaven. Eternally with Him and with all the ones we love.

I’ve been allowing myself to day dream sitting around a huge table with Him, my brother, my grandma and grandpa….and with everyone I love right next to me. Allowing myself to daydream about what it’s going to be like in complete glory. Could you allow yourself that same freedom? Go sit at your table, close your eyes, and picture Jesus sitting right in front of you. Reaching across the table from you, gently touching your hand. Jesus looking into your eyes, the same look that someone gives you when they know you are in pain, the look that says I love you so much, sometimes without even saying a word. Picture Jesus laughing with you…he is full of JOY. Sitting in front of Him you’d feel this: completely known, completely loved, completely understood, no pain, only joy.

That’s why He came for us. He came to gave us his Holy Spirit. We can sit with Him now and share in this glory. Giving us glimpses of Heaven until He completely restores us all.

Now, here’s the deal. I don’t fully understand any of it. None of us besides God can fully comprehend it. BUT this is what we do know:

God loved us SO MUCH that he put on flesh to come down and live life the way we do. He slept on the ground, built fires, had a job, made friends, was betrayed by friends, cooked food to sustain Him…He came and fully experienced life like we do. Because that’s what love does.

When you love someone, you step into their pain with them. When you have a relationship with someone, you sit around the table with them and listen to what’s on their hearts. When you love someone, you do everything you can to step into what life looks and feels like to them.

This odd-season of not being able to gather around the table with our loved ones maybe the best opportunity to come back and sit at the table with the One who gave it all for us. Because one day, we will all be feasting around His table. Oh. What a glorious day.

“And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them saying, ‘This is my body, given for you; do this in remembrance of me.’ In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, ‘This cup is the new convent in my blood, which is poured out for you.” Luke 22:19-20