In December, we found out we were pregnant.
In January, we had a miscarriage.
It felt like whiplash. One moment we were talking about names and how we wanted to decorate their room and the next moment, we were bawling on the floor knowing there was nothing we could do to change it.
We told a few close people we were pregnant. We knew we were “breaking the rules” and announcing earlier than you should. But we were so excited! I kept saying, “Because even if something were to happen….God forbid, I would want you to know about it.”
I didn’t want to think it actually would.
I woke up one morning with really bad cramps, waited to get into the doctor, cried on DJ’s shoulder, texted my best friend…but I knew in my heart what was happening. I knew this wasn’t normal. I knew we had lost the baby.
I tried to take a shower and I couldn’t even stand…not because I was in so much physical pain (which I was) but because I was in deep emotional pain. I fell to my knees….tears and wails of mourning came flooding out of me. All I could do was hold my belly and keep repeating, “I love you so much, baby. We wanted you so badly. I wish more than anything I could make this stop. I love you, I love you, I love you.”
I don’t want to share this to get pitty from people. The last few months we have processed + mourned with our trusted people. If this is something you are going through and have gone through, I urge you to do the same. It’s not something you are supposed to go through alone.
I wanted to share this because #miscarriage need more awareness. It happens way, way, way more than you’d think. Your friend. Your family member. Your neighbor.
6 in 10 women experience this.
1 in 4 pregnancy’s end this way.
That’s a lot of hurting moms and dads.
It is an experience where you look death in the eye, and as women, we physically feel death in our bodies. It’s horrible. It’s not the way it’s supposed to be.
We love you, little babe we never got to hold this side of Heaven. We can’t wait to see your face one day.
Xoxo
I’m always here to talk. To cry with. For a hug. You don’t have to go through it alone.
