Grief + Joy Can Coexist

One this I’ve learned throughout life is this: grief + joy can coexist. 

In one hand we hold the reality of death, the awareness of the fragility of this life.  In the other hand we hold onto the Truth of His goodness. We enjoy every little moment, while holding onto it loosely knowing this isn’t our home. 

The gut-punch of the doctors call,

The knock on the door of dear friends. 

The statistics not in your favor, 

The favor of God poured out. 

The sorrow of lost dreams,

The warm embrace of a loved one.

The darkness of the valley,

The dawn of the morning light. 

One day will be a mountaintop, the next day you find yourself in a valley. Cling to the hope that the darkness can never overcome the Light. Hold onto your flicker. Hold onto your Hope. 

“He protects his flock like a shepherd; he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them in the fold of his garment. He gently leads those who have young.” (Isaiah 40:11)

This was in my devotional this morning, a moment that brought me tears. My prayer is that we all would learn how to truly rest in his arms:

“We can rest in His arms, close our eyes and slow out breathes he sings over us. Instead of suffering our own pounding hearts, we can lean in an hear His steady heartbeat. It beats steadily with His love for us.” (From She Read Truth, God’s Presence Strengthens Us)

In the joys of life, we see glimpses of Heaven. In the darkness, we hear God whisper to us, “this isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.”

In the steadiness of His heartbeat, we hear His love for us. Like a mother cares for her child, our Father cares for us. Hols us close, rocks us to rest and sings songs over us. He never lets go. He never waivers. 

Amen.

His Love Never Wavered

"The thief does not come except to steal, and kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep."

Isaiah 43:2

I spent much of my childhood being mad at God. I heard people talk about how He was good and faithful and how he cares for us, but I could not comprehend how any of that was true when he took my brother from me. 

My brother died when I was thirteen. Losing him really messed up my relationship with God for awhile. I wanted to believe that He was good and He wanted the best for me, but my belief was clouded with so much pain. 

You cannot put a time limit on a grieving heart, and what I am finding out is it will always hurt. There is healing in the midst of the pain, however, you have to learn how to let people walk through the pain with you to find it. Most of my grief I tried to walk in it alone. I tried to figure it out between me and God, asking questions but not getting the answers (or maybe I was just not liking the answers I was getting). God's grace is what kept me living through that time, but he also designed us to be in community with one another. Me trying to do it all on my own was not working well. 

When I got married to my sweet husband DJ is when I truly realized I had to start talking. I had to talk about the pain I was feeling and invite people into the dark corners of my heart. I had to believe DJ when he told me he loved me even though I thought and felt the things I was feeling and could not love myself.

DJ never wavered in his love for me. Through DJ's love I have realized that this is the way God has felt about me my whole life. No matter how mad I was at Him for taking away my brother. No matter how much I turned my back on Him for allowing certain things to happen to me. No matter how much I wandered and tried to go my own way...His love never wavered for me and it never will. 

Like a sheep, I was prone to wander. There were, and still are, seasons after losing my brother that feel long and dark. Seasons where I feel like I am out in the field, all alone looking for my way home. 

But the Lord is our good shepherd. He is our home. He will go to the ends of the earth, the depths of the fields, the corners of the dark forest just to find you. He loves you regardless of your thoughts, his love has never wavered for you and it never will.