Lean Into the Pain

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

Psalm 34:18

There they come again, the deep aches of grief. The loud silence of the absence of the one you love. The hot tears running down your cheeks. The question of how could you have changed this? The confusion of why are they gone too soon?

These are not comfortable feelings and thoughts. Pain and grief are never comfortable. It is our human nature to want to pull in, away from the world. To want to go silent, keep to ourselves all the thoughts we not dare say aloud. 

Trying to do it on your own. Depending on your own strength. Keeping the thoughts of pain an anger to yourself in fear that it will hurt someone else. No mentioning their name, even though you are constantly thinking of them. I've done all this, it doesn't work. 

"Everything happens for a reason," someone tells you out of love, trying to give you comfort. 

We've all heard it. And sure, at face value it is true. But someone telling you that your brother died for a reason, that your mom was taken from you too soon, that you didn't get to watch your daughter grow up and living all your life never finding out what "the reason" is? Those words don't help the pain. 

So we run from it. We numb it. We distract ourselves. 

Yet, the loving voice of God says that he is close to us. He is there to comfort us, he has rescued us.

Some answers we will never know this side of Heaven. Our pain may have to be our cross the rest of our days, but find comfort because we are not carrying it alone. 

I don't know why you lost your job. I don't know why your son died too young. I don't know why your dad has cancer or why your mom lost her best friend. 

I don't know what your struggling with today, but Jesus does. He is withy you, always. He is with you and loving you through you anger, through your pain and through your doubt. He loves you and hates to see you hurting, that is what I do know. 

He is so close. He has rescued you. There will come a day where he will wipe away every tear. There will be no more mourning, crying or pain (Rev. 21:4) . There will come a day when you find out your answer, but for now trust in the One who holds it. 

Lean into the pain, on the other side is peace. 

Prayers & Hot Air Balloons

I love how when you write something down, that piece of paper holds that moment of time. Holds that prayer, that dream, that hurt, that grief.
I love how you can look back on things you've written and see who you were then compared to who you are now.
I love looking back and seeing the prayers that you had, how and when they were answered.

A prayer of mine was to ride in a hot air balloon. I watched them sore over my dads house at sunrise and sunset in the summer time. The breeze pushing them along. Conditions had to be perfect or else they couldn't fly.

I found this picture today of DJ and I on our honeymoon.
It reminded me, again, of how faithful God is. 

He hears your prayers. All of them. 

He listens to you when you are 10 years old and praying to ride in a hot air balloon.
He didn't answer the prayer in my timing.
No, it was more perfect than I could have planned. 

He answered my over-a-decade ago prayer like this:
I got to ride in a hot air balloon, in New Zealand at sunrise, with my husband.
Grace, overflowing. 

He hears your prayers. He wants you to trust in His ways. His ways are better than you could ever imagine.