"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."
Psalm 34:18
There they come again, the deep aches of grief. The loud silence of the absence of the one you love. The hot tears running down your cheeks. The question of how could you have changed this? The confusion of why are they gone too soon?
These are not comfortable feelings and thoughts. Pain and grief are never comfortable. It is our human nature to want to pull in, away from the world. To want to go silent, keep to ourselves all the thoughts we not dare say aloud.
Trying to do it on your own. Depending on your own strength. Keeping the thoughts of pain an anger to yourself in fear that it will hurt someone else. No mentioning their name, even though you are constantly thinking of them. I've done all this, it doesn't work.
"Everything happens for a reason," someone tells you out of love, trying to give you comfort.
We've all heard it. And sure, at face value it is true. But someone telling you that your brother died for a reason, that your mom was taken from you too soon, that you didn't get to watch your daughter grow up and living all your life never finding out what "the reason" is? Those words don't help the pain.
So we run from it. We numb it. We distract ourselves.
Yet, the loving voice of God says that he is close to us. He is there to comfort us, he has rescued us.
Some answers we will never know this side of Heaven. Our pain may have to be our cross the rest of our days, but find comfort because we are not carrying it alone.
I don't know why you lost your job. I don't know why your son died too young. I don't know why your dad has cancer or why your mom lost her best friend.
I don't know what your struggling with today, but Jesus does. He is withy you, always. He is with you and loving you through you anger, through your pain and through your doubt. He loves you and hates to see you hurting, that is what I do know.
He is so close. He has rescued you. There will come a day where he will wipe away every tear. There will be no more mourning, crying or pain (Rev. 21:4) . There will come a day when you find out your answer, but for now trust in the One who holds it.
Lean into the pain, on the other side is peace.